Saying Sorry in Chinese: A Complete Guide to Chinese Apologies

Interested in the cultural and linguistic nuances of saying "sorry" in Chinese culture? Read this article to discover how to "save face" while apologizing in Chinese, learn some useful phrases and explore culturally appropriate ways to navigate apologies in Mandarin.

Interpreting "sorry" in Chinese

First and foremost, it is important to note that China is an incredibly diverse nation with 56 recognized ethnic groups.

Most Chinese words and customs involving forgiveness and saying sorry will be similar no matter where you go. That said, however, due to China’s cultural and ethnic diversity, you should also be prepared to encounter some regional differences.

Face or "miànzi"

"Face" (面子 miànzi) is a term that is often used when discussing Chinese social etiquette. Understanding the concept of "face" plays a crucial role in the "how" and "why" of apologies in China.

However, the Chinese concept of face can be difficult to understand at first. The Chinese writer Lu Xun described the complexity of the concept well when he wrote, "What is this thing called ‘face’?" It is very well if you don’t stop to think, but the more you think the more confused you grow."

The concept of "face" in Chinese generally stands for the prestige or moral standing one has achieved throughout one’s personal and professional life. It symbolizes the respect one has earned from one’s community as a result of one’s good moral reputation.

Discussions of "face" typically include the concepts of saving face, giving face, and losing face.

• Face (面子 miànzi) - A person’s social standing, reputation, and the respect they command.
• Giving face (给面子 gěi miànzi) - Giving face means to praise someone in front of their peers, thus lifting the individual's reputation or social status. This praise should be sincere and can also sometimes be accompanied with a Chinese gift.
• Losing face (丢面子 diū miànzi) - Losing face is the opposite of giving face. This term is used to describe what happens when specific intentional or unintentional actions cause embarrassment or bring shame to an individual.

Another important word that’s used when talking about face in the Chinese context is 要面子 (yào miànzi). This term is difficult to translate directly into English, but in general, it refers to someone who is particularly keen on saving face or on keeping up appearances. For these people, any loss of face is considered a serious affront.

"Face" is an integral part of Chinese culture and is a crucial concept to understand if you want to become skilled at apologizing in Chinese.

When to say "sorry"?

Below are some examples of situations when an individual would typically want to apologize in Chinese. Needless to say, this is not an exhaustive list.

When an individual is embarrassed about something.

Saying sorry after an awkward or embarrassing situation is like saying "excuse me" in English. It also prevents the other person from losing face.

When an individual wants to express sympathy for someone.

This is a polite gesture to show empathy and compassion, very similar to how condolences are used in Western culture.

When an individual has interrupted or bothered someone. 

It’s common to apologize for taking up someone’s time.

When an individual has made a mistake. 

Once again, apologizing here represents an opportunity for the individual who made the mistake to save face and reputation.

It’s also important to note that when saying "sorry" in Chinese, the sequence and method used to make the apology is as important as the words themselves.

Typically, Chinese custom dictates that an individual should not begin a conversation with an apology. Instead, the apology should come after a polite and conventional conversation has already been started.

In more formal or sensitive situations, it can be smoother to open with a greeting or brief context, then apologize.

Saying ‘sorry’ in Chinese is used to save face, show sympathy, or simply apologize for taking up someone's time. The way you apologize and the sequence you use is just as important as the words themselves.

Key "sorry" phrases

Understanding the cultural context and identifying which situations call for apologies are the first steps to learning how to say sorry in Chinese. Now that we’ve got these two aspects down, let’s examine the following examples of how to apologize and how to respond to an apology.

Ways to say "sorry" in Chinese

不好意思 (bùhǎoyìsi)

This is the most commonly used apologetic phrase in Chinese. It is more casual than the other phrases listed below and is most often used to apologize for minor mistakes. In addition to sorry, this phrase also means "embarrassing," which makes sense since committing minor mistakes can be an embarrassing experience. Colloquially, 不好意思 (bùhǎoyìsi) can be translated as "my bad!"

Example: 

不好意思，我的中文不太好。

Bùhǎoyìsi, wǒ de Zhōngwén bù tài hǎo.

My bad, my Chinese is not very good!

对不起 (duìbuqǐ) 

This phrase is generally translated as "sorry" in English, but a better, more direct translation is "cannot face [you] / I’m in the wrong toward you." It is a very commonly used phrase in Chinese, but is generally reserved for formal situations or for apologizing for more serious mistakes.

Example:

实在对不起，我忘了你的名字。 

Shízài duìbùqǐ, wǒ wàng le nǐ de míngzi. 

I’m so sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.

抱歉 (bàoqiàn) 

This word can be translated as "to sincerely apologize." Its literal meaning is "to hold regret," and it is generally used to express that the speaker feels regretful about whatever it is he or she is apologizing for. It should be used in formal situations, for example, if apologizing to an authority figure, supervisor, or teacher.

Example: 

抱歉，我今天不能来上班。

Bàoqiàn, wǒ jīntiān bù néng lái shàngbān.

My apologies, I am not able to come to work today.

是我的错 (shì wǒ de cuò) 

This is a short, formal phrase that can be translated as "it’s my fault." It is used to admit to making a mistake. Using this phrase is a great way to save face while taking responsibility for one’s actions.

Example: 

是我的错，我忘了提醒你要开会了。

Shì wǒ de cuò, wǒ wàng le tíxǐng nǐ yào kāihuì le.

It’s my fault, I forgot to remind you about the meeting.

Learning colloquial phrases such as "my bad!" in a new language can be accelerated when surrounded by fellow language learners and native speakers.

Responding to an apology

Below is a list of phrases that are used to respond to an apology. These phrases are interchangeable in their level of formality.

Remember, if someone is apologizing to you, you have an opportunity to help them save face. In Chinese culture, not accepting an apology may have consequences and result in the person who apologized losing face and social standing.

• 没关系 (Méi guānxi; It’s okay) 
• 没事 (Méi shì; It’s all right)
• 不要紧 (Bù yào jǐn; Never mind)
• 别在意 (Bié zài yì; No worries)

Saying sorry with Chinese idioms

The Chinese language is rich with Chinese idioms (成语; chéngyǔ) that can be used to express the deeper historical and cultural context behind individual Chinese characters. Chinese idioms are idiomatic expressions that usually consist of four characters.

Since most idioms are rooted in classical Chinese, they express meanings that are often not predictable from the modern meaning of each specific character. Idioms synchronize wisdom and poetry to impart meaning.

Below are three Chinese idioms that can either be used directly to apologize or ask for forgiveness:

高抬贵手 (gāotái guìshǒu; to be magnanimous; to be generous; to not be too hard on somebody) 

The literal meaning of 高抬贵手 (gāotái guìshǒu) is "raise your noble hand." It is generally used to ask someone of higher status than the speaker for forgiveness or even mercy. Since it contains an element of flattery, this is a great idiom to use to give face to the person to whom you are apologizing.

Example sentence: 

高抬贵手，放过我。

Gāotái-guìshǒu, fàngguò wǒ.

Please be generous and let me off.

深感歉意 (shēngǎn qiànyì; to feel deep regret)

The meaning of this idiom is similar to the word 抱歉 (bàoqiàn) discussed above. The main difference between the two is that 深感歉意 (shēngǎn qiànyì) sounds more formal and sophisticated, while 抱歉 (bàoqiàn) is more informal and more commonly used. Using 深感歉意 (shēngǎn qiànyì) sounds good when used in formal or serious situations.

Example sentence: 

我不小心碰到您的车，深感歉意。

Wǒ bù xiǎoxīn pèng dào nín de chē, shēngǎn qiànyì.

I accidentally bumped your car. Please accept my sincere apologies.

不计前嫌 (bùjì qiánxián; to disregard past grudges; to forgive and forget; let bygones be bygones)

This idiom is used to ask for forgiveness for past mistakes.

Example sentence: 

我希望你不计前嫌。

Wǒ xīwàng nǐ bùjì qiánxián.

I hope you can disregard my past mistakes.

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Vocabulary for saying sorry in Chinese